The Fear- stories and advice

As I have mentioned before here I am putting together a series of posts about dealing with the fear of giving birth. This is the first part of my 6 part series.

Dealing with others

It doest matter if its your mum, your aunty, your cousin or someone you met on the street, as soon as they know you are pregnant, the pain stories begin.

"oh the pain, you don't even know the pain"

"its like pooping a watermelon"

"your lady bits will never be the same again"

Of course then they give you the labour stories too

"I was in labour for 5 days"

"Your mother was in labour for 3 weeks and she ended up with a Caesarean"

'Your cousin had her first on the motor way"

Just because people in your family, or in your street have horror birth stories, does not mean that your birth will go the same way. Even if you personally have had a bad birthing experience in the past, it doesn't mean that your next birth will be the same.

If you have people "educating" you on the trials and tribulations of childbirth, there is only one thing you need to say to them. First you let them talk, try to focus on something else, do they have something in their teeth? Is their someone riding a unicycle behind them? Just smile and nod occasionally, maybe through in an "ooo" or an "ahh" to keep things interesting. Then finally, when they stop talking, look them in the eye and ask one simple question.

"was it worth it?"

And you know what they will say? They will say yes!

Because it is, its worth it. You forget the pain, the hours, the sickness, the everything. All the matters is holding that little person in your arms.

Birth is not something to fear, its something to look forward to. The memories of how your little person got here, are something to cherish not something to mourn. These moments make you a stronger person, it doesn't matter if the birth was natural, with an epidural, in the water or the car or via caesarean, all that matters is that you did it and its something to be proud of.

The moral of this story is to ignore the stories of fear that you will be bombarded with, find your inner peace and respect for your body that in the end your baby will be here and thats all that matters. Educate yourself on the realities of childbirth but in the end, every single birth is different and every experience is different.

Enjoy your pregnancy and have faith that your body will do exactly what its meant to do!



The second part of this series will be on the pain of childbirth. I'll post it next week.


In the mean time, do you have any methods for dealing with people and their stories and advice?

Vbac pride

Proud

Belief

Success

Confidence

Choices

I currently have a client who makes me so proud to be a women and a student midwife. Her passion for her own body and her ability to make educate decisions is something that makes me grin from ear to ear. She is so confident in her body that she is currently 12 days overdue and trying for a vaginal birth after 2 previous c sections.

She has dealt with both doctors and midwives telling her that she is making the wrong decision, that she is putting her and her babies life in danger, but its like water off a ducks back to her. She knows whats best for her and her baby. She is under no delusions though, she is happy to try for a normal birth and if things dont go well for her or baby she will happily go for a c section.

But she just wants to try.

She makes me so proud, and she has until the 1st before they break her waters, put her on a timer and watch her like a hawke.

So please send your best wishes to this beautiful, strong, amazing women! There needs to be more information out there and more education out there for women with previous Caesars, we need to show women that a normal birth is possible, and safe!

I will also be doing a series on Vbacs and the pros and cons and I'll also be keeping the blog up to date with this amazing womens story and outcome.

Have you had a VBAC? how did it go?

Breastfeeding, an introduction

This weeks posts are just about me and the things that I am passionate about, so you can get a feel for what my blog is about and where it will be heading.

Probably my greatest passion is breastfeeding.

Image source:  www.lactivist.net a breastfeeding picture from the 1500's

I, myself have breastfed my son for almost 18 months and going strong. I was lucky enough that at the beginning of my breastfeeding journey my little person came out knowing exact how to get what he needed and I was blessed with an easy introduction to breastfeeding.

However in my time as a student midwife it has been made very clear to me that I am very lucky. There are so many problems that can occur especially within the first few weeks. But if you can make it through that, it does get easier.

Unfortunately for me, things got a little bit more difficult for me. I developed mastitis 4 times in the same month my son turned one. I spent nights in hospitals with the threat of draining abscesses over my head. But I stuck it out and i'm glad I did.

I have also dealt with the lack of support that comes with extended breastfeeding. Unfortunately this has come from the people that are closest to me and I have found this struggle much worse than the pain of mastitis. You can get through anything with great support, but it also makes everything harder without it.

My breastfeeding journey hasn't gotten much better and I was recently at the stage where I was lying to people and saying that I had quit breastfeeding and only doing it when there was no body around. And even though my partner is very supportive, I would find myself making excuses when he did see me.

It took me a few months before I realised I was being ridiculous and contradictory to everything that I stood for. So I changed my way of thinking and my actions. Im now back to breastfeeding publicly around who ever is around me. My son is happy, I am happy and i'm proud of my change of heart.

Im not here to moan about my life, or to make a "poor me" post. I just want to be able to support people, whether you breastfeed for a day or for 3 years, its great for your little person. And I wanted to share my story briefly and introduce another great passion of mine.

Did you breastfeed for an extended period of time? Did you have family support?

So, what is childbirth?

child·birth n. The human act or process of giving birth; parturition.

Simple right? Its the act of giving birth to the child you have been growing for 9 months. Something that women have been doing since the beginning of time. Not only human females, but females of all species. Whether it be giving birth to live-born spawn or to eggs, it is the most natural and beautiful part of life.

Image source:Wikipedia
An image of a women giving birth in the 1500 on a birth chair with women for support.

Yet it is something that terrifies women all around the world. The question is,

Why?

I put it down to 2 major factors.

Hospitals and Horror stories.

Hospitals:

If someone said to you today "i'm going to visit my aunty in the hospital" what would your first thought be?
Would you ask, "what is wrong with your aunty?" Or "Is she ok?"
Your first thought isn't going to be the fact that she just gave birth to a very healthy little baby and she is healthy herself.

We generally assume that hospitals are places for sick people, they have negative connotations and for that reason, the thought of having to go into that hospital to have a baby, bring fears to the minds of many.
Although midwives are specially trained in "wellness" which is what pregnancy and birth is all about. But we cant get past the fear of hospitals and therefor we become scared of the outcome of our birth.
I will be putting together a series of posts about getting past the fear of childbirth over the next few months, stay tuned!

Horror stories:

Any lady who has ever been pregnant, would be well aware of the birth stories that your friends enjoy sharing with you, You know the ones? where the labour lasted for 100 hours? or the baby had 4 heads? Some people call it "birth war" I think it has a lot to do with women who have never fully recovered from a fearful birth themselves.

Needless to say though, you will know what i'm talking about. And there is no way of avoiding this. The best advice I can give is that, every birth is different, every women is different and just because your best friends aunties, cousin had a horrible birth experience doesn't mean that yours will be the same.

Even if you, yourself have had a bad experience in the past ,does not mean that the births in your future will follow. You just have to believe in yourself and your body and take it from there.

Like I said, I will be posting a series of "dealing with birth fear" posts over the next few weeks, so stay tuned.

Whats the worst horror story you were told whilst pregnant?

Who and Why?

Im a student midwife and so far in my studies I have found a lack of confidence that women seem to have. Not only in themselves but also in their choices. This is something that upsets me and something I have decided I want to play a part in changing.

Women are so strong and so incredible, the pregnancy and birth process is a perfect example of this. But its the ability to have confidence in their decisions that is lacking. i am putting this down to the lack of education so this is where I step in.

I want to help, i want to be able to educate and help women. I want them to have knowledge of their bodies and more importantly of the choices they can make when it comes to their body. I want to spread the word about women s choices in pregnancy and beyond and help support women through their journeys.

Pregnancy and birth is the mot natural and beautiful things in the world, its been happening literally, for as long as we have been on earth, but somewhere along the line it has become a scary thing, something that occurs in hospitals (usually associated with sickness and even death) this is where the fear stems from. we have forgotten the lost art and beauty in pregnancy.

Image source : www.janeausten.co.uk  

So thats where and why I have started this blog. Its the stepping stone i'm going to use to help spread the word and support that women and their families need.

I am also an advocate for home birth and natural birth. Although I do not see natural birth as a birth without drugs or medications, I see a natural birth as a kind of birth that a women want, is educated on and is the healthiest option for her and her baby. I see a natural birth as a kind of birth that leaves both mother an baby feeling happy and healthy.

So my question to you is, what do you see as a natural birth? Was your birth something you deem to be natural?